The first may be seen when a person says, "He is my chief; he is my professor; she is my mother; he is my father's maternal uncle; therefore I have to consider him or her."
And the other tendency we see when someone says, "What do I care if he is the head in my office? I do not care if he is older in age; I do not care if she is my aunt; what do I care if he is my mother's grandfather?"

We see gentleness in one and spirit in the other, and prefer them according to our nature. If we are spirited we like the spirit of independence; and if we are gentle we prefer gentleness.

A Sufi does not believe in one-sided tendencies. He says spirit is needed and gentleness is needed; both are required on suitable occasions. The question arises of how we are to act: when we should show spirit and when we should consider gentleness.

Spirit should be shown when we are forced by circumstances, by a situation, to be in subordination; there spirit is needed to free oneself and be independent. But the use of spirit is not a simple matter. The flame of a match cannot stand up to the air; to stand up to the air you must have a torch. Therefore it is the foolish spirited ones who rebel against their life's conditions and fall because their spirit lacks strength and power. For them patience and gradual perseverance, with courage and thoughtfulness, are necessary.

But when we are morally won by someone's love and kindness, such as the care of a mother, the protection of a father, the advice of an aged friend, the sympathy of a neighbor, by the one who shows us the right path through life, by the one who may have guided humanity to light, it can never be subordination, but only generosity on our part to consider their greatness, to revere them, to respect and to obey them. However, all this may not be dealt with by the same words nor all treated in the same manner.

The Qur'an says, "We have created among jinns and men individuals of all grades."

In this way we must distinguish to what extent gentleness may be shown to deserving souls.